God's Will Be Done

Well, BIG things are happening over here at the Crouch House, so I thought I would start writing about it since you all have been on this journey with us from the beginning....or at least these past 4-5 years.  We are now in our eighth year of this journey of infertility and all its many peaks and valleys, and we are once again climbing up to what we hope to be a mountain top moment.  We are praying for a miracle as we have transferred our last two embryos of the seven total we adopted several years ago.  Our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) took place yesterday at 7:30 am.  These final two embryos were actually the first two we adopted through Nightlight (http://www.nightlight.org/).  The remaining five embryos we adopted from a family in Delaware, and one of those five became our sweet little man Austin. 

These first two embryos were not considered as high quality as Austin's group, so we opted to try those embryos first.  The embryos we transferred yesterday were day 2 embryos and Austin's group were all day 6 blastocysts.  Our doctor cautioned us by saying that we had a 10% chance or less of these embryos resulting in a viable pregnancy.  So, now we start praying.....harder.

Yesterday morning we were pleasantly surprised when the embryologist came in to hand me the picture of our embryos saying that "both had survived".  One step at a time......

The embryo on the left was 8 cells at the time of implantation (as shown here) and the one on the right was four cells.

While the medical evidence is less than desirable, I know a God of miracles!  And this is our prayer.  We are praying for God to bless us with just one more child, a sibling for our precious little boy.  If this isn't in God's will and the pregnancy test on the Feb. 24 is negative, than we will most likely discontinue our efforts to become pregnant.  This has been a long fight, and while I will still pray for God to guide me as to His plan for our family, I'm not sure I can continue the emotional, financial, and physical battle of infertility any longer.
Maybe traditional adoption is in our future, maybe God will guide us to the foster to adopt option, I just don't know right now.  I pray for His guidance.  I know He will help me.

As for right now, I am really ok!  I know this post might sound a little sad to you, perhaps, but my faith is stronger than ever, and I am thankful that this journey has brought me to this point!  It sometimes takes a major life event or a struggle over several years to truly experience the freedom of handing things over to God, and I am thankful that I can now do this to a much greater degree.  I'm only human, so I still want the desires of my heart, but ultimately, I know that God knows what is best for me and my family. 
He will sustain me. 
His plan is Sovereign.

This entry was in my devotional the other night, and it was so fitting....

God's Will Be Done
"Not as I will, but as You will."
Matthew 26:39

Jesus' last prayer before He faces the cross-as he knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane-is a critical prayer for us to examine.
     "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will"....Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, "O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done" (Matthew 26: 39, 42)
In Jesus' prayer we see the most powerful of all principles of prayer.  While we may ask for what we desire-and we should always feel free to do so-ultimately, we must seek the Father's will above anything we might want or ask.  This prayer is from the Son to the Father.  It is every bit God's prayer to God.  In the very heart of prayer, we find God's prayer, and in God's prayer we will
never be disillusioned.