My hope is in Him

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

I'm so glad I decided way back when to put my "Daily Reminders" as a side bar on this blog. There are so many great passages of scripture, and I often need to be reminded of all God's promises. The above verse sort of fits the mood today. I just posted something yesterday on Facebook about the fact that I was contacted by Snowflakes and asked if I would be willing to share my experience with another family in Texas interested in embryo adoption. Sure! I love to share Austin's story.

I've been asked many times to share our experience, to share my testimony in front of a group, or just to speak to a friend or mutual friend about the miracle of Austin's life. This is part of the promise I made to God way back when as we were trying to conceive. After reading the story of Hannah countless times during those years, I made a promise to God that I would tell all who wanted to know (and even those who weren't necessarily interested) of the miracle He was about to perform in our lives, if that was in His will. I have never been one to witness to strangers, but everyone LOVES to talk about babies, and this would be my way of telling the world about Jesus. So, now I am always willing to talk about Austin's birth and the miracle of embryo adoption. If God wants to use me in this way to help another family, then He has answered my prayer.

But after talking about embryo adoption to her, reading through some old blog posts today and recently being reminded of what it feels like to have a newborn miracle in your arms, some sadness started to creep in. It probably didn't help that I was talking to a mom this morning at MyGym who is expecting twins and she was grumbling about her pregnancy because she was having two more boys to add to her other three! But enough about that.....I know pregnancy is tough, so some complaining might be called for, I guess.

"shake it off....shake it off. It's Friday! We have a babysitter tonight and we're going out on a date and getting sushi!" I say to myself.

I am truly blessed in so many ways, but I still long for more. Oh! And add in the fact that Austin is developing a little problem with sharing lately (I do realize this is normal for a two year old) and I have started to think "what if we aren't able to give Austin a sibling and he becomes totally selfish!" I know....that's Satan. So is the feeling I get every time someone says to me "is he your only one?" asking if Austin is my only child. That is a perfectly normal question to ask, but it always makes me a little sad.

So, while I am "perplexed" that God allows some women to have 19 children or even 3 children, I am "not in despair". I continue to pray for his will. Austin and I pray each night "for a baby brother or sister if that is in your will".

It may not be. I just don't know.

As I said on Facebook, this is certainly not the path I would have chosen for myself, but the man upstairs knows way more than me what is best. And I am thankful. Thankful that I am given the opportunity to help others and encourage them with the story of Austin's conception and birth.

While I may feel "hard pressed on every side", I am "not crushed"...."because of His all surpassing power".