Scared

"Hello?"

"Yes, I'm calling to speak to Austin's mother?"

"Oh, this is Taryn, Austin's Mom...."

"Hi, this is Debra at Children's. I'm calling to give you instructions for Austin's MRI tomorrow?"

"Oh! I wasn't aware he was having an MRI tomorrow. I've been trying to reach his doctor's nurse to schedule this, but we keep playing phone tag."

"Well, the nurse went ahead and scheduled the MRI for tomorrow at 1 pm. Would you like to reschedule?"

I just got off the phone from this call from Debra at Children's hospital and I don't really know what to do at this point. I haven't really blogged about this as I am still praying for peace and reassurance. I am really scared, but I don't know if it's warranted.

Here's the thing...
I've mentioned a few times that Austin has a cyst on his right eyebrow, right? Well, we finally went to the pediatric plastic surgeon to check it out down at Children's Hospital of Dallas. I really liked his doctor and he was very reassuring about everything. After he looked at Austin's cyst, he said that it seemed like a dermoid cyst rather than a hemangioma like we originally thought. Austin's pediatrician had always thought it was a hemangioma. This type of cyst goes away eventually. I did quite a bit of research on hemangiomas and they always go away, but some can take up to 7-10 years. They are also usually red in color, but can occasionally be skin-toned. Anyway, we just wanted to have everything checked out.

(here is Austin waiting to see the doctor)

So, neither of these types of cysts are "911" situations, but the dermoid type of cyst does not go away. He suggested doing an MRI to fully determine what type of cyst it was and if it was attached to Austin's brain. He said that occasionally dermoid cysts can be attached to the brain. They can still remove the cyst, but it obviously takes a bit more skill/time/sedation to do so if this is the case.

Then after the MRI to determine the type of cyst, the doctor said that he would want to do surgery to remove the cyst sometime near Austin's first birthday. They would make an incision at the top of his little eyelid, and push the cyst out. The procedure would take about 15 minutes. Sounds pretty cut and dry, right? I was thinking no big deal....at first. And then I thought about...

.....fully sedating my little man. And I cried. I'm crying as I type this out. I'm just scared. His brain is working so hard right now just trying to figure out how to be a little man! He can't even crawl yet or say "Mama" and I'm so scared to let them put drugs in him that put all of that brain function on hold. Am I being too dramatic?

I'm not sure what to do. Big E goes out of town tomorrow, so I'm thinking resceduling would be my next step, at the very least. I know God will watch over everything and that He already knows what is going to happen. I just don't want to do something for mainly cosmetic reasons if it could potentially harm my little man. I guess this is what it's like to be a Mom, right? Worry, guilt, fear when it comes to our little ones and big decisions like this. I know, it could be so much worse like those poor parents who have to deal with true illness. My heart and prayers go out to them all. I don't know what I would do.

For now, I am going to pray. And talk to Big E. I just heard the garage door go up. So, I better go. Please pray for Austin and for us as we make this decision. We would so appreciate it.